Heading to Hopkins (Again)

Hi friends- Last Tuesday when we went up to Hopkins, my doctor wasn't able to see me. He was suddenly able to work us in today, so we'll be heading up in a few minutes for a 12:30 appointment. So grateful for your prayers. How I need them.


"Your way was through the sea, Your path through the great waters; yet Your footprints were unseen.  You led your people like a flock..." Psalm 77:19

Mists and Fogs

Hi friends,

So sorry for the long silence. We did go up to Hopkins a few weeks ago, but my doctor was stuck in procedure, so the appointment ended up getting pushed until tomorrow at 12:30. God has continued to keep me and carry me through some incredibly difficult moments. He has enabled me to increase my feeding tube's flow rate and also put on a few pounds. All glory to Him! 

Even so, there are still no answers or relief in sight for the complexity of symptoms I am experiencing. There are many moments when taking just one more step feels like the the most impossible of impossibilities. Tonight, it is hard to simply squeeze these words out in the midst of the pain, but I am so aware that every time I want to give up, I have a God who will not let me. He continues to carry me onward and never fails. Never. No matter how many times I fail. And that's a lot! Again and again, I see His hand of sustaining mercy and infinite kindness. He continues to use your prayers to keep me. Thank you so very much.

Tonight, I long to simply rest in Jesus. To know that if I have Him, I have everything. All I need. My body may not be able to rest; I may suffer; I may not know what the next moment holds; my life may be spiraling out of my control, but true reality is that my life has never been in my control. I am in His hands. 

He knows the way I take, and I want to wait expectantly for His rescue and deliverance. If you could pray that I would truly know these things in my heart, I would be so grateful. You can also pray for wisdom and clarity for the doctor and my family as we navigate these deep waters. It is difficult to see the way ahead, but I know my God sees clearly and that is enough. 

So grateful for each of you. And deeply humbled and blessed by your constant care.

What if, sometimes, there are mists and fogs so thick that I cannot see the path? ‘Tis enough that You hold my hand, and guide me in the darkness; for walking with You in the gloom–is far sweeter and safer than walking alone in the sunlight!

Dear Lord, give me grace to trust You wholly, whatever may befall; yielding myself up to Your leading, and leaning hard on You when “dangers are in the path.” Your way for me has been marked out from all eternity, and it leads directly to Yourself and home!" - Susannah Spurgeon

Hopkins Tomorrow

Hello friends - this is going to be brief for which I apologize (it's been hard to write lately but when I can, I will). Tomorrow, my parents and I have a 12:30 follow-up appointment with my doctor at Hopkins. We continue to need the Lord's help and wisdom and trust He will lead, provide, and uphold as He has faithfully done each step of the way. I am so very grateful for your prayers. My symptoms continue to be intense and difficult to cope with, but in each moment, He never forsakes me. How grateful I am that this does not change according to how I feel but remains true because of who He IS.

This quote, sent by a dear friend, has blessed me so much in recent days:

Times of adversity are seasonable times to trust in God. When we have no bread to eat, or water to drink, but only afflictions and astonishments, this is a time not for over-grieving, murmuring, sinking, desponding, despairing, but for trusting. In a tempest a believer must cast his anchor upward. Trust is a believer's choicest antidote against fainting, swooning, and sinking...Amidst all storms, winds, and tempests, yea, in a hurricane of sorrow and misery, faith knows where and how to cast anchor. “Let not your hearts be troubled” (John 14:1)...God has extraordinary means to bear us up when ordinary ones fail. He can turn poisons into antidotes, hindrances into furtherances, and destructions into deliverances. The ravens give Elijah food. A whale becomes Jonah's ship, and pilot too. An Almighty God can work without means. God often brings His people into such a condition that they do not know what to do. He does this that they might know what He can do. God is with His people at all times, but He is most sweetly with them in the worst of times. - Thomas Lye

Thanking Him afresh for each of you tonight and asking the Lord to once more "turn the darkness before me into light."

Charissa


"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Truly He is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Fortress, I will never be shaken." - Psalm 62:1-2

"As Bright as the Day"

Dear friends-

Is everything dark right now? If so, I want to remind you, as I am even now reminding myself, that even the blackest darkness, the deepest night, the most seemingly hopeless pit is not dark to Him. Today has been one of those days when light was hard to find, yet it is into this darkness that the words of David, the psalmist, offer us incredible hope.

"Even the darkness is not dark to You;

the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with You." 

~ Psalm 139:12

I may not see light. I may not see the way ahead. I don't even know what the next moment will bring! But there is One Who does. And for Him "the night is bright as the day." What a hope this brings. The darkness may be all-encompassing, pressing in on every side, suffocating. But He is greater still. The darkness will never overcome Him. It will never overwhelm Him. He will always see, and because He sees us in the midst of our darkness, we can be assured that He will carry us safely through it and back into the light. 

How can I have this assurance? Because His Son, Jesus, tasted the deepest, blackest darkness ever known when He suffered in my place and took my punishment. Once I was separated from God, but now I belong to Him forever, and no darkness can  keep me from Him or from the glories that await me in Heaven.

In the face of all my fears, in the face of the blackest darkness, or the most hopeless of circumstances, I can sing these words from one of my favorite songs: No fear can hold me down // Nor darkness steal my joy // For blood has been poured out // The enemy destroyed.

He has triumphed. The outcome is already secured. May that bring you hope today, regardless of what you see in or around you. "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).

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Medical Update

Thank you all for your prayers for my Hopkins appointment last Tuesday. I definitely felt them, and God was faithful and kind to carry me through. The appointment was brief (practically five minutes), but clear directions were given. My doctor believes I should continue on my tube feeding at present and not move to TPN - a direct answer to your prayers! He asked me to work on increasing my tube feeding flow rate and said he would consider beginning testing later this month.

Over the past week, I've increased my flow rate a few notches, and God continues to sustain me through the pain and uphill climb. I have had some incredibly difficult days/moments as well as some brighter ones. He is good at all times, but those brighter moments have truly been precious gifts, shining all the brighter against the backdrop of the darkness. And in the midst of it all, I continue to be overwhelmed by your prayers and kindnesses. Thank you.

Praise God for answered prayer:

• No TPN for now.
• Ability to continue to move forward, one moment at a time.
• A gradual increase in weight.
• Daily mercies and kindnesses - more than can be counted!

Here are a few ways to pray:

• Ability to continue to tolerate my current flow rate and increase it.
• Weight gain and alleviation of the pain/complexity of symptoms.
• Wisdom regarding where to continue PT, as my home services are ending this Wednesday.
• Restorative sleep.
• That my immune system would be strengthened (my WBC is currently at one of its lowest points).
• That God would enable me to continue to persevere, especially whenever the next step seems impossible. (I know He will. The battle is just so intense. But He has already won the victory!)
• That He would bring across my path anything that would help put together the pieces of this puzzle and bring healing. 
• Peace and rest of body, mind, and heart.
• That He would be glorified in my great weakness.

"Thank you" just does not seem adequate, but I will say it anyway. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For every prayer. They are heard. They are answered. They make a difference.

--------------------------------------------

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You." - Psalm 39:7

"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many." - 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

"Day Follows Night"

Dear friends,

Tomorrow, at noon, I will have an appointment with my doctor at Hopkins. We’ll be discussing where I’m at as well as next steps. I would be grateful for your prayers that God would guide both the doctor and my parents and me. Thank you!

As I continue to wait on the Lord for His deliverance, I know that I am only kept from moment to moment by His strength and grace. Tonight is particularly difficult. Thank you for praying for me. The climb up this mountain is steeper than I ever dreamed, yet He does take me “from strength to strength” (Psalm 84:7).

Here is a reading from Spurgeon that my dad shared with me the other day. It speaks directly to my struggles and fears, and I wanted to share it with you, along with a few thoughts which will follow.

Why am I mourning? - Psalm 42:9

Can you answer this, believer? Can you find any reason why you are so often mourning instead of rejoicing? Why yield to gloomy anticipations? Who told you that the night would never end in day? Who told you that the sea of circumstances would ebb out until there would be nothing left but long leagues of the mud of horrible poverty? Who told you that the winter of your discontent would proceed from frost to frost, from snow, and ice, and hail, to deeper snow, and yet more heavy tempest of despair? Do you not know that day follows night, that flood comes after ebb, that spring and summer succeed winter? Hope then! Hope always! For God does not fail you. Do you not know that your God loves you in the midst of all this? Mountains, when hidden by darkness, are just as real as in the day, and God’s love is as true to you now as it was in your bright moments. No father always chastens: your Lord hates the rod as much as you do; he only cares to use it for that reason which should make you willing to receive it, namely, that it works your lasting good. You shall yet climb Jacob’s ladder with the angels, and behold him who sits at its top — your covenant God. You shall yet, amidst the splendours of eternity, forget the trials of time, or only remember them to bless the God who led you through them, and worked out your lasting good by them. Come, sing in the midst of tribulation. Rejoice even while passing through the furnace. Make the wilderness to blossom like the rose! Cause the desert to ring with your exulting joys, for these light afflictions will soon be over, and then “for ever with the Lord,” your bliss shall never wane. – C.H. Spurgeon (Evening – July 21st)

How quickly hope can slip out of sight. Yet, there WILL be a dawn, a spring, an end to the darkness. It may lie around the next bend, or it may come with the dawn of Eternity’s splendor, but either way, it is coming and coming soon. Our conception of time, especially when suffering, is limited. It can seem like forever. But only Eternity is forever. And all my days have been written in His book (Psalm 139:16). He not only knows their number but every joy and sorrow that fills them. He keeps me through each moment of glory or agony, and He will keep me“until the morning dawns and the shadows flee away” (Song of Sol.).

Thank you for waiting with me through the long, dark night and assuring me of the coming dawn.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. – Psalm 126:5-6

Thank You for Praying

Hello friends,

Thank you for praying for me. Over the past few weeks, God has enabled me to increase the flow rate of my tube feeding (allowing more calories to be taken in), and I have managed to tolerate the higher flow, despite the difficult symptoms that come. I have also been able to sip tiny amounts of water over the past few days. Neither have come easy, but these are both answers to your prayers!

The battle to endure continues to be quite difficult, but God is my Keeper, and He has never failed me yet. As I wrestle through the daily struggles, something I recently read by Joni Eareckson Tada has been a great help, and I want to share it with you:

"God permits what He hates to accomplish what He loves." I can smile knowing God is accomplishing what He loves in my life - Christ in me, the hope of glory. And this is no Plan B for my life, but His good and loving Plan A.

I can rest in knowing that none of this is a mistake. God is allowing it all for my good, and He is forming Christ in me, even when I cannot see it. He is so much wiser than me.

Thank you all for your prayers. I cannot tell you how MUCH they are sustaining me. I have seen a direct correlation between moments of barely functioning, followed by a period of dramatic improvement, and then hearing that friends had been praying at that exact time. Don't grow weary, for He is using your prayers to carry me through! How desperately I need Him, and how grateful I am that He has given me such friends as each of you.

I will do my best to update more once I have details regarding the doctor's appointment, etc.

"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You." - Psalm 39:7

Blessings Through Raindrops?

I first heard the song, “Blessings,” by Laura Story earlier this summer and was immediately struck by its coupling of honesty and beauty. In the face of unanswered questions, pain, and heartache, it speaks of a deeper Reality, an achingly beautiful hope.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if the thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I know that thirst well. Most moments I simply long to be free from the suffering, and though this road has grown harder than I ever expected, yet with each aching step, God is gently teaching me that pain can truly be a gift. Whether experiencing heartache or loss, beauty or joy, deep inside us lies a longing that no person, place, possession, experience, or even relief from suffering can fully satisfy. Something is always left wanting. Missing. It is never enough. Yet, every moment of agony, sorrow, loss, and disappointment is a mercy when it serves to turn our gaze to Heaven and increases our longing for what awaits us there. And even the sweetest and most glorious moments of good and beauty in this life merely offer us a foretaste of what awaits. Before we can take hold of them, they have slipped away, leaving us unsatisfied, hungering for more.

God is using our painful roads to prepare us for the Day we will arrive at the doorstep of our true Home –Heaven, the Place for which we were made. The Place we have been dreaming of all our life. The Place where we will see the Face of the One Who made us to know and find unending delight in Him. Forever. The Face that will finally satisfy that endless thirst.

And so, these dark nights, these unfulfilled hopes, these seemingly endless valleys– they are truly “blessings in disguise,” for as one of my favorite hymns so sweetly puts it, “Perish every fond ambition, // All I’ve sought, and hoped and known; // Yet how rich is my condition, // God and heav’n are still my own!” (Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken)

Note: I cannot end this post without remembering my dear friend, Amy, who constantly lived her life with her true Home in sight. She was never happier than when talking about what awaited her in Heaven. And now she is there, experiencing wonders beyond our greatest imagination! If you didn’t know Amy, you can learn a little more about her life here. May we live our lives as she did, longing for Heaven and the glories that await us in His presence.

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Health Update

Dear friends – Thank you once again for your patience! This past Tuesday, my parents and I returned from an appointment with my doctor at Hopkins, so here’s a quick update on where things are.

Over the past few weeks, I have maintained my weight and progressed forward in small increments. My doctor would like to increase my calories, hoping that this enables me to gain weight. This will require that my 24-hour feeding tube move up to a higher flow rate. If I have not gained by our next appointment in two weeks time, we may have to consider moving to TPN (Total Parental Nutrition) – nutrition fed intravenously through an arterial port, thereby avoiding the digestive tract entirely. The feeding tube would remain in place. We hope to avoid TPN if at all possible, due to its high risk of infection and the significant financial obstacle it presents, since it is not covered by insurance. The doctor’s goal is to get my weight up and then proceed with additional testing.

So for now I continue to battle in the strength that God supplies and pray for progress to be made over the next few weeks. The daily struggles with my constellation and complexity of symptoms continues, but there is MUCH for which to give thanks and praise Him.

Praise Reports:

• Over the past few weeks, I’ve maintained my current weight and have seen a slight increase.
• God continues to sustain me through the most difficult moments.
• God blessed me with a last minute, unexpected time away at the beach with most of my family (more on that to come) and has shown me so many mercies and kindnesses.
• God has been teaching me to sing hymns and songs of praise in the hardest moments.
• I continue to be upheld and undergirded by your constant prayers and encouragement. It is amazing to watch how notes and texts from friends and family arrive at “just the right moment.”

Prayer Requests:

• For the ability to tolerate an increased flow rate and gain weight (my body doesn’t adjust easily to higher flow rates, and the last time I tried to increase I had to back down).
• That I would be able to avoid TPN unless that is His best plan for me.
• For endurance, joy, and the ability to continually hope in God, walking by faith and not by sight.
• For wisdom for my doctor, parents, and me as we make decisions.
• For the ability to begin eating and drinking (I haven’t taken anything by mouth since early August) and help to cope with the ensuing symptoms which are severe.
• For relief and ability to endure the symptoms until God brings healing.
• That I might dwell on the goodness and mercy with which God daily showers me instead of the significant limitations I must endure for now.
• That I would rest wholly in the care of my Savior, for “there is no fear in love” (1 John 4:18), and that this wondrous love which I have been given in Christ would take greater root in my heart, bringing a deeper experience and knowledge of His love for me.
• While I firmly believe God has many more years for me on this earth, I want to see my longing for Heaven increase, while at the same time enlarging my gratitude for each gift in this life and making me more effective with the moments I have been given.
• That I would sing to Him, especially when all is darkest.
• That I would trust HIM to be my Deliverer, expecting great things.

Thank you all for your constant care, prayers, and love. I simply do not have words to tell you just what it means.

Update from Charissa

Dear friends,

Thank you so much for your prayers. It has been a long time since I have posted. I am so grateful to my parents for keeping you all updated as they could. Though I'm not able to get online too often these days, please know just HOW MUCH it means to me to know you all are praying. I am fully convinced that God is using your prayers to carry me from one moment to the next.

This will be a short update, but here are a few praise reports:

• I have been able to continue at an increased feeding rate but am slightly below target goal.
• My weight is up one pound from last week (so we continue to avoid TPN at the present).
  
• I have had a small amount of motility.
• God has shown His incredible faithfulness in keeping me when I cannot keep myself. He is my Sustainer and the Upholder of my life (Psalm 54:4).

Many of my symptoms have worsened over the past week, and the battle has been quite intense. Yet every time I think I must give up, God carries me forward again and keeps me. I have never been more aware of how I cannot sustain myself.

The prayer requests from the last post still stand, but here are a few additional ways to pray:

• For the peace of Christ to rule and reign in my heart, mind, and soul.
• For wisdom as we meet with my GI doctor again tomorrow at 12:45pm.
• For endurance and the ability to press on through each moment.
• That we would know the clear leading of the Lord throughout each step of this journey.
  
• For increased motility.
  
• For relief from the increasing multitude of symptoms as God sees fit and especially the ability not to focus on them but rather on Him and "normal" things of life. He is merciful, wise, and good and up to so much more than I can see right now.

Thank you all. I am continually humbled and amazed that God would show me such love and care through each of you.

This is my prayer right now:

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places. - Habakkuk 3:17-19

It doesn't matter how much is taken away as long as I have Him. And often I don't feel Him there, but the unshakable truth is that He IS still there, and His truth never changes. He has given me what I need the most - forgiveness of my sins - and because of that, I can trust Him to give me the lesser (Romans 8:32). Pray that I would grow in my expectation of His continued help and goodness which will never change, even though I change from moment to moment. He is steadfast and trustworthy - always.

The Update That Never Came

We have taken too long to update you about Charissa's journey since the last post following her surgery. Thank you for continuing to pray for her and for us during this time. We have definitely felt the effect.

Charissa was at Johns Hopkins for 11 days, and it was a rough road. She had many difficulties along the way: adjusting to the intestinal feeding tube (J-tube), stabilizing her electrolytes (requiring four blood draws a day), motility issues, and pain (which she couldn't really take medication for because of how it would affect her body in other ways). But God's overwhelming kindness and care were evident in big things, as well as little things. Whether it was a low time during the middle of the night or a painful procedure during the day or just feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation, God would often send another believer to encourage her on top of the wonderful encouragement and care she was already receiving from the nursing staff.

One evening when she was finding it particularly difficult to face the night, Charissa was surprised by the nursing staff to be offered a private room across the hall. It had the best view on the floor, looking out onto downtown Baltimore with its beautiful skyline at night. On top of that, they gave us a rollaway bed for someone to stay with Charissa where previously there had only been a standard upright chair. Her sister, Tiffany, was able to stay with her that night, and Bill and I were able to go to a local hotel which someone had anonymously paid for during our time at Hopkins. (We had been driving back to Gaithersburg each night between 1 and 3 am, then returning to Baltimore the next morning.) This was a huge help and made all the difference for us. We could also leave our car in the parking garage and take a shuttle back and forth to the hospital. Because Charissa had a private room, she was able to have many of her siblings come at different times and stay past visiting hours which was such an encouragement to her.

Charissa has been home a little over two weeks now, and the transition was challenging (stairs, no hospital bed, new routine, besides difficult physical symptoms). She is on 24-hour continuous feeding and they have slowly increased her rate over this time to gain more calories. She is not eating anything by mouth at this time so some of her symptoms have improved, but she is still dealing with many of her previous symptoms as well as a number of new ones. After the tube feeding began, her weight continued to drop but it has stabilized and is now starting to turn upward. She has had weekly trips back to her physician at Hopkins who is monitoring her very closely. She also has a home health nurse weekly and home PT three times a week.

The doctor's current plan is to see if Charissa can be restored nutritionally as much as possible before proceeding with more extensive testing. This is the main focus medically as well as for prayer. If she does not progress with the intestinal feeding tube, he will switch her to TPN (total parenteral nutrition by a central line) which he does not want to do because it has a high risk of serious infection. Additionally, it is not covered by insurance. So a few bullets for continued prayer:

• Tolerate increased feeding rate over next several days
• Increased motility in her intestinal tract as well as through her whole GI system
• Relief from the multitude of challenging symptoms she experiences on a daily basis
  
• That she will gain weight while on the feeding tube (and avoid TPN)
  
• That she will be able to tolerate small amounts of water by mouth and eventually add back in food by mouth without severe physical symptoms
• Increased physical strength
• Ability to sleep (many sleepless night because of her symptoms)
• Endurance to persevere
• Trusting God in each moment of this trial
  

We are so grateful to the Lord for each and every one of you. God has repeatedly encouraged us and carried us by your love and prayers. It is a tangible evidence of God's faithful kindness. Hearing and knowing that so many people have been praying for her has encouraged Charissa in those moments when it is hard to see His hand at work. Our trust is in the Maker of heaven and earth who created Charissa and loves her more than any of us.

Gratefully,

Bill and Judy

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" Psalm 27:13-14

Post Op

Hi, this is Charissa's mom. She wants to thank all of you for your faithful prayers that definitely carried her through yesterday and to this point today. Yesterday she faced some very trying moments but found much grace to persevere through difficult spots. The surgery went well and the medical team involved were kind and caring. Her surgeon (who is chief of gastroenterology at Hopkins) said he was treating her as his own daughter. She did have a challenging night but is grateful to be walking forward this day. Today she has been undergoing a very challenging procedure to prepare for the next steps in activating the feeding tube. If her system clears, she will start gradual feeding sometime tomorrow and build up slowly. The goal is to build up her system, slowly gain weight, and become stronger before there can be a plan for further diagnostic work.

Charissa continues to see God's hand of kindness and sustaining grace in multiple ways and wants to communicate her gratefulness for the overwhelming impact your prayers have made.

Surgery Day

Just wanted to let you know that Charissa is scheduled for surgery this afternoon, sometime after 2, for a small intestine feeding tube. Please pray that she will have the peace of God going into it. God has continued to meet her faithfully, and she has had many evidences of his kindness towards her.

Hopkins Update

Just a brief update to let you know that Charissa had a test this afternoon that is still ongoing this evening. God has definitely sustained her through a test that she was sure she would not be able to attempt. We won't have any results until tomorrow. Charissa would appreciate prayer that she will get sleep tonight. Also pray for all involved in the decision making process regarding the tentative plan to insert a feeding tube tomorrow

Back at Hopkins

There has been a long silence since Charissa's last post. She has been doing poorly over the last month. Charissa wanted us to let you know she had a consultation with a new doctor this afternoon at Hopkins. He admitted her for a test to be done Thursday and possibly inserting a feeding tube into the small intestine on Friday. Given her current condition, this test tomorrow seems "impossible" but she is asking God to make a way for her. Thank you for supporting Charissa with your prayer. She wanted to share this devotional with you all.
(written by her parents)

July 27

More than Mere Words

I wilt give you the sure mercies of David. (Acts 13:34)

Nothing of man is sure; but everything of God is so. Especially are covenant mercies sure mercies, even as David said "an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things and sure."

We are sure that the Lord meant His mercy. He did not speak mere wards: there is substance and truth in every one of His promises. His mercies are mercies indeed. Even if a promise seems as if it must drop through by reason of death, yet it never shall, for the good Lord will make good His word.

We are sure that the Lord will bestow promised mercies on all His covenanted ones. They shall come in due course to all the chosen of the Lord. They are sure to all the seed, from the least of them unto the greatest of them. We are sure that the Lord will continue His mercies to His own people. He does not give and take. What He has granted us is the token of much more. That which we have not yet received is as sure as that which has already come; therefore, let us wait before the Lord and be still. There is no justifiable reason for the least doubt. God's love, and word, and faithfulness are sure. Many things are questionable, but of the Lord we sing—

For his mercies shall endure

Ever faithful, ever sure.

C H Spurgeon

⁵For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
⁶He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
⁷On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Psalm 62: 5-7

Joy in Tight Places

Dear friends,

Once again, I apologize for the silence. Days have been especially tough of late, but there have been a few good ones thrown in the mix. I am writing to let you know that once again, things have taken unexpected turns – the adventure of life, right?

In my previous post, I had mentioned seeing a new doctor. Well, the morning of my appointment he called me unexpectedly and asked a number of questions regarding my medical history, symptoms, and current condition. The bottom line is that he did not feel best positioned to offer me the necessary help, and so the appointment didn’t take place. In the days following, my family and I have been praying about what to do next, while fighting to keep the food going down. My doctors continue to follow me, as well as keep up with regular labs.

When I look at the overall picture, I have definitely come a long way and made progress, but the present digestive challenges I am experiencing have been making it extremely difficult to put almost any kind of food into my system. In God’s kindness, I usually still have a mental appetite, but my body is simply not accepting the food and processing it.

The past few weeks and days have held some of the most difficult battles yet for me in this health journey, but in the face of these real struggles God has reminded me that I have often been in places before where there seemed to be no way through, yet He always made a way. He IS faithful. He IS merciful. He IS good. I must believe these things even in the moments when my symptoms seem insurmountable, and that is only a miracle of mercy. As I am writing these words, the lyrics of this song on the radio are playing:

No matter what, I’m gonna love You // No matter what I’m gonna need You // I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You // No matter what, no matter what. (“No Matter What” by Kerrie Roberts)

This is only possible by His Spirit’s power, and I would humbly ask that you pray that these words would be a reality in my life, no matter what comes. Thank you! If you would like to pray in other ways as well then here are some specifics:

• that God would make HIS way clear in front of me.
• that both I and my parents would be given wisdom, endurance, and grace.
• that I would better learn the balance of living in utter dependence upon my good God, resting in His care for me, while at the same time being proactive and responsible to move forward with daily as well as more far reaching decisions, whether that’s choosing my next meal or what treatments to pursue.
• for ability to eat each meal, meet my calorie minimum (and even my goal) each day, gain weight, and improve overall. (Praise God that I was able to eat late last night and again today after feeling like it was impossible!)
• for God’s good and perfect will to be done.

Thank you all so very much. I am consistently overwhelmed at your care. It is so wonderful to know that He hears our prayers. Yesterday, at church, one of the pastors’ wives encouraged me from Psalm 16 that even as the boundary lines around me seem to be closing in and getting tighter and tighter, there IS joy to be found in the middle of them because God, Himself, is there. This is precious truth. No matter how much is taken way I can say with Job, “blessed be the name of the Lord.” Why? Because having Him equals everything. Life here is so fleeting. We are here today and gone tomorrow. But I was made to know Him, and He has promised to give satisfaction, joy, and fulfillment when I live in right relationship to Him. No sickness can take that away. All other good gifts flow from Him and are good because of Him.

Don’t misunderstand. I believe He desires me to be well and wants me to enjoy life here on this earth. But if I had to spend the rest of my life this sick, or even far worse, it would be okay because I would still have Him. And that is enough. “Because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8).

Praying that these thoughts somehow encourage you today, wherever you find yourself. As Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” Father, let us find that rest today in the only place it can be found – in You.

Preserve me, O God, for in You I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; I have no good apart from You.”

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For You will not abandon my soul….

You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. – Psalm 16:1-2, 5-10a, 11

New Prayer Request & Quick Update

Hello friends,

Thank you so much for your prayers. Just wanted to post a quick update, as I’m not able to go into a full one right now. Pressing through in getting the daily nutrition necessary to make progress has definitely been more challenging lately, but God has been so incredibly faithful in the midst of it all. Time and time again, I have seen Him help me get in food when it seemed impossible, and He continues to carry me.

God has recently opened up an opportunity for me to see a new GI doctor. Though I am not necessarily expecting this to bring about significant new changes in treatment, answers, etc., God has opened this door through a friend, and I believe it would be wisdom and faith to see what He may have for me in it. My appointment is at 11:15 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Today, I need to work on updating medical history/records and notes and would be grateful for prayer that God would give clear and simple direction to me and my dad as we put these things together. I know that the Lord is able to highlight the things He wants shared tomorrow, and I need not strive and take on too much. I also need to continue to eat and persevere.

1 Corinthians 14:33 says, “For God is NOT a God of confusion but of peace….” The many voices of knowledge, counsel, symptoms, and potential answers can be deafening at times, but we serve a God Who does not bring confusion but peace. Would you join with me in asking Him to make that a living reality both today and tomorrow? He knows what He is doing.

Thank you, dear friends!

Even for temporal mercies you may wait upon God, for He careth for His children in these temporary concerns. As for spiritual necessities, which are the heaviest of all, the Lord will hear your cry and will deliver you and supply you.

O poor friend, try your rich God. O helpless one, lean on His help. He has never failed me, and I am sure He will never fail you. Come as a beggar, and God will not refuse you help. Come with no plea but His grace. Jesus is King; will He let you perish of wants What! Did you forget this? - Spurgeon

Health Update

Thank you all for rejoicing with me in God’s sustaining grace and all the kindnesses and mercies He has shown me. I have definitely experienced some good moments and even better days since I last updated, but I would not be honest if I didn’t say that the hard moments have also been pretty hard. But He has never let go, even when I have doubted Him. What a patient God we have, and I am so grateful that His hold on me is what matters in the end. I am so quick to let go.

I have seen some improvements with the overall effects of the bacterial issues, but it is hard to tell how much progress I’ve made as the symptoms can be confusing and overlap with so many others. There was a point over the past few weeks when I was barely able to get any nutrition in, and since that point God has enabled me to have days when I could eat more which is amazing. The big struggle has been that once I eat a bunch my system gets stuck and cannot digest it, and then I end up with several days of not being able to eat much at all and feeling pretty awful. In light of the serious place I’m in, I am going to try raw dairy again. It has been two months since I’ve had it, and since removing it, I lost weight, struggled more with getting food in, and just slipped backward in many areas.

On a praise note, I saw my primary care doctor last week, and my recent labwork shows that things are fairly normal which is amazing for my condition. He is sustaining.

So, here are ways to pray:

• For my body to do well with the raw goat milk products I am reintroducing (kefir and yogurt).
• For wisdom to know what to eat, whether to stick with goat dairy or to try cow dairy, what supplements to take, when to push through and when to hold back, etc.
• For contentment and self-control to eat according to what my body requires and not make unwise choices.
• For grace and strength to await His deliverance during the moments when it is most difficult to cope with my symptoms. Some of the hardest ones lately have involved neurological pains, strange sensations, and an inability to control my hands as they lock-up for a period of time.
• For endurance and joy.
• For continued guidance with doctors, those giving me counsel, and decisions on further testing/treatments.
• For grace for my family who gives so much to take care of me each day.
• That I might begin to more fully grasp what it means to be “united with Christ” and to live knowing that He has fully paid all my debts, and I belong to Him.
• That I would allow Jesus to be my Good Shepherd and provide for my needs rather than striving to figure everything out.
• That God would be greatly glorified and magnified in my weakness. He alone is “the Upholder of my life.”

God has been teaching me that He is the only One who can bring me safely through, and this trial will not last one moment longer than He intends. I so often think I know better and want to take things into my own hands, but how grateful I am that He is wiser than I.

Thank you for your prayers! They are felt. I look forward to sharing with you more in the days ahead as we see how He continues to provide.

“He is wonderful in counsel and excellent in wisdom.” – Isaiah 28:29

P.S. Thank you to those of you who prayed for Nathan. His seizures have lessened since you did, and he is better! We would still be grateful for your prayers, though.

So Many Kindnesses

The past few weeks have held many ups and downs, desperate moments, enduring moments, countless evidences of God’s faithfulness and deliverances, and a multitude of blessings. Through it all, I am slowly learning to trust Him more. And I continue to be humbled to be the recipient of your prayers, encouragement, and care. I am in awe at the way He sends help – just on time. He has given me such kind friends in each of you.

Today, I want to recount some of His incredible blessings and gifts. Tomorrow, I will put up more details on how you can pray for my health at this time, but for now, I wanted to recount His mercies and kindnesses.

Here are some ways I have been greatly blessed and encouraged lately:

• Welcoming spring!
• Celebrating Easter and the hope of new life and Christ’s resurrection which has transformed EVERYTHING.
• Receiving prayer from my pastors at their weekly prayer meeting.
• Finding grace to make it to multiple medical appointments back-to-back over several days.
• Seeking God for wisdom and direction about a particular decision and seeing Him answer.
• Receiving a verse from a friend at just the right moment.
• Finding rest in our backyard hammock which was discovered free on Craig’s List last year.
• Finding daily grace to take another step.
• Eating something that looked like a sandwich wrap (real food!)
  
• Receiving a much-needed dental examination and x-rays at no cost from a generous and kind dentist.
• Seeing how God sustains as He kept me and enabled me to keep eating when it seemed impossible.
• Enjoying a walk with a friend.
• Pink dogwood trees.
• Singing “Be Still My Soul” in church (the Lord gave me this hymn 10 years ago when I first started getting sick, and singing it reminds me of how He promised to bring me through in His timing.)
• Rejoicing with a friend at her healing from celiac, while watching her trust God and wait or Him for the bigger unanswered sorrows and questions in her life.
• Receiving prayer and words of truth from dear friends.
• Unexpected beautiful flowers from a friend.
• Being loaned a dress that fit which I will wear in a friend’s wedding next month.
• Seeing that He ALWAYS keeps His promises.
• Being reminded by a radio host on Good Friday that when things look the darkest incredible good is coming. In her words, “just look at the Cross.”
• Finding a beautiful Easter basket in my room – thanks to my sister.
• Eating chicken.
• Having several high calorie days.
• Eating “out” for the first time in a few years – parsnip soup from a grocery store!
  
• Slowly learning that it is HE “who will perfect that which concerns me” (Psalm 138:8) – not me.
• Meeting a friend’s little nephew and spending time with her one afternoon.
• Waking the other day with a particular verse in my head which I had not read in a long while and later on finding an email from a friend which shared that very passage and mentioned she had been praying. The time of the email coincided exactly with when I had been thinking of that verse. God ANSWERS our prayers.
  

And these are only a sampling of all He has done and continues to do! Yes, there have been moments when I thought I would not make it. Many moments when all I could do was hold on for dear life and wait for deliverance. But He never failed me. It may not be the way I would have chosen, but I am so glad that He knows better than I.

Note: My brother, Nathan, has been struggling greatly with multiple seizures yesterday and today. Would you all mind praying for him? Thank you so much!

“Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man!” – Psalm 107:31

Another Brief Update

Dear friends, I know this update is much overdue already. Thank you for praying for me regardless. God has been so faithful to uphold me and sustain me through some deep waters over the past few weeks. Last week, my doctor confirmed that although he has seen significant improvement with my Lyme disease and coinfections, the latest difficulty is that I seem to have developed a significant issue with some type of Candida/yeast/fungal overgrowth which has been wreaking havoc in my body, making it more and more difficult to get in nutrition. Even fresh vegetable juices make me sick, and it is a tricky balance figuring out how to get in calories, while not feeding the bugs which love to eat sugars, starches, grains, dairy, etc. (all the foods that help you gain weight quickly!).

My nutritionists have been working with me very closely and have been a wonderful help to me. I have been taking an antibiotic to fight the bugs as well as other treatments. Despite all this, my system is very weak, and it is becoming increasingly difficult to get nutrition into my body. I could say more, but for now here are ways you can pray:

• For the ability to eat and take in calories, despite how my body reacts to food which can be quite severe.
• For the bugs to get under control and that we would have wisdom as to how to best attack them at a rate my body can tolerate.
• For the ability to digest fats and even begin to eat meats again.
• For perseverance, hope, and faith regardless of what comes.
• For clear wisdom and direction for my parents, nutritionists, doctors, and myself.
• For grace to deal with the die-off effect as the bugs are killed and my body tries to clear out the toxins.
• For supernatural healing in His timing.
• For God to be glorified in my weakness and as He makes a way through the morass of all the pieces involved and the counsel we have received.
  

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have felt your prayers through some very dark days. I do not know what the rest of the day holds, but I know my God does. He is teaching me some hard lessons about faith right now, but they are so good.

And He IS answering prayers. He has brought me this far, and He is not going to desert me now. He is worthy of our full trust.

If it had not been the LORD who was on our side…then the flood would have swept us away, the torrent would have gone over us; then over us would have gone the raging waters. – Psalm 124:1, 4-5

Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD their God. – Psalm 146:5

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. - Psalm 118:8

One Step at a Time

Dear friends,

Thank you all for continuing to stand with me through the hard times. Over the past week, I have been working closely with a nutritional coach as well as another nutritionist. I also recently started a new medication. God is sustaining me, but I would not be honest if I didn't say that the battle is very difficult right now. Almost anything I eat doesn't work with my system, and I am fighting to maintain my weight with the limited food choices I currently have. It is especially difficult to get up each morning and face the day, but God is teaching me to wait on Him one moment at a time. I know He is enough for me.

I would love to write more but don't have the strength at the moment. Thank you for praying. If you could continue to pray that He would provide wisdom and light for the path ahead, and give me perseverance I would be so grateful.

He has delivered me again and again. Can I not trust Him to do so once again?

I love you all.

"Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life." - Psalm 54:4

Quick Update

Hello friends,

Been struggling more the past few days and trying to start a new plan with my nutrition coach tomorrow morning. It requires doing things that I haven't done in some time, so I would be grateful for your prayers.

The battle is tough, but God's promises are true no matter what I feel.

Thank you all for caring and praying. How I need it. I am so humbled to have friends like you who never tire of carrying me to the throne of grace.

Every cave that you're in—wandering along, feeling the rocks, stumbling, stepping, bumping your head—every cave that you are in is a tunnel that opens into glory. It opens into a day like today in Heaven, with the sun shining, and the grass green, and the waters flowing—as long as you don’t sit down in the cave and blow out the candle of faith. - Piper

Always Faithful

Dear friends,

Thank you for being so patient with me and my lack of updates once again. Since I last wrote, I came down with a cold/cough which had me fighting in a different way for a while, but I have come through most of it now. It was a wonderful opportunity to realize how much God has blessed me in keeping me from “normal” sicknesses. This was probably only the second time I’ve had a cold in the past year!

Praise report! Last time I updated you regarding the struggle I was having with the acid in my esophagus. Well, God has graciously lessened the severity of this issue, and I am so grateful! I know your prayers played a significant role in it. It continues to play a part in the overall picture but nowhere near the level it was a few weeks ago. And my swallowing difficulties have also improved.

The daily battle has grown more difficult lately as my body struggles to digest the foods I eat. A few weeks ago, I removed raw dairy from my diet due to a concern raised by the CDC that it might present too much of a risk for my body right now. As much as I would love to be able to handle pasteurized dairy, it is more difficult to digest due to the good enzymes that are destroyed during the pasteurization process. I am hoping to try introducing pasteurized goat kefir and yogurt in the weeks ahead. In light of this change, I’ve had to rely heavily on rice products and almond butter in order to meet my calorie minimum each day, and my body is no longer tolerating these well. I’ll spare you the details, but the hardest part is that, beyond the digestive distress, it is resulting in a significant amount of brain fog, disequilibrium, weakness, mood issues, and a host of strange symptoms. It has grown more difficult to get out of bed each morning, and it is particularly difficult to keep eating the foods that aren’t working , while at the same time realizing that if I don’t my weight will slip backwards again.

At the moment, I am consulting with a few nutritionists and hoping that we will be able to come up with some other options for foods I can tolerate better while still obtaining the necessary calories.

How to pray:

• That God would be magnified in my weakness and inability.
• That I would cease from striving for control and protecting myself and instead live fully surrendered to the Lord, trusting Him to meet ALL my needs and to be my Shepherd, Provider, and Father.
• That He would keep me in His perfect peace causing all fear to flee.
• For faith to believe His promises and cling to Him at all times.
• For wisdom and direction on what foods to eat and what supplements to take.
• For faith for whatever plan I am given and for the ability to carry it out.
• For grace to keep taking another step and to get out of bed each morning and trust God to carry me through the day. I am often more focused on how hard the road is rather than on His promises.
• For healing for my digestive system and whole body.
• For the ability to tolerate pasteurized goat kefir & yogurt (really helps with meeting my calorie goal).
• Ability to gain more weight and to eat even when feeling bad.
• For wisdom regarding when to begin a course of antibiotics and the ability to swallow the tablets and eat enough with it.

Thank you all so much! I look forward to sharing with you how God works in the days ahead. He is always faithful!

And He said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? …Instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you. - Luke 12:22-25, 31

We cannot guess in which way deliverance can possibly come to us, but the Lord knows, and He will lead us till we shall have escaped every danger. Happy are those who place their hand in that of the great Guide and leave their way and themselves entirely with Him. He will bring them all the way; and when He has brought them home to glory and has opened their eyes to see the way by which He has led them, what a song of gratitude will they sing unto their great Benefactor! Lord, lead Thy poor blind child this day, for I know not my way! - Spurgeon

Prayer Request

Dear friends,

Thank you for your prayers. God continues to uphold me in countless ways. Just a quick request before I hope to move into further updates over the week ahead.

Today, I am praying about various decisions related to trying new medications and am very aware of how much I need the Lord's guidance and help to know which way to go. There are so many opinions, but He has never failed to lead me. Thank you so much for praying with me.

Also dealing with a great deal of discomfort, difficulty eating, and lack of sleep related to some newer GI issues right now. In particular, my lower esophageal sphincter (what closes your stomach off from your esophagus) is continually open, causing the acid to erode my esophagus, etc. There is not necessarily any way to "fix" this other than to manage it through medications, supplements, nutrition, meal sizes, etc., but we can always ask for healing. :)

I take hope today in God's promise to give wisdom to those who ask for it. Thank you for praying with me.

With much love,
Charissa

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." - James 1:5

Beyond My Strength

For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He WILL deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. - 2 Corinthians 1:8b-11

Dear friends,

These words from Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians have taken on new meaning for me over the past several days. I have found myself continually faced with the reality that I cannot hold myself up. God is the only One Who can and Who can deliver me. And He has been faithful once again! I am so quick to doubt and fear, yet He remains ever true to His Word and His promises.

The past week, and especially the past several days have held some of my hardest moments yet. It has been a moment by moment fight. Yesterday, my dad took me to see the physician who has been treating my Lyme and coinfections as well as other areas. I expected to hear I was having a healing crisis and just needed to persevere, but instead, my doctor gave me the startling news that I was much improved even from the last time I saw him just a month ago! His examination revealed that my Lyme and coinfections are mostly gone as well as my Epstein-Barr and other viruses. My liver has improved, and even my adrenals are thought to be functioning a little better than before. All in all, he thinks my progress is good and encouraged me to continue with the treatment plan on which he has had me.

Well, you might think that hearing these things would be cause for great joy and gratitude, but as I lay there on the examination table, I burst into tears. This just did not fit with how my body felt in that moment or how difficult the past several days have been. As I reflected on this, I realized how quick I can be to put my hope for help in a person or particular treatment rather than in the God who created me and knows exactly what is going on inside of me, no matter how confusing it may appear to me. Doctors and medicine are gifts from God and used by Him to bring help and healing, but ultimately, my only hope is Him.

In the moments that have followed, God has been helping me to thank Him for the encouraging report that the doctor gave me and the incredible progress that has been made. At the same time, I have been wrestling with the realities of my remaining physical struggles and the onslaught of confusing symptoms and significant obstacles. Often, the battle is simply to endure another moment, but I am learning I must fight to rejoice in my “sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5).

And so, rejoice with me in the incredible answer to prayer that my Lyme and coinfections have been dealt with, and my body is now attempting to recover from their damaging effects and begin to function again as it once did! This is an answer to your prayers, and it is not something to take for granted. It is significant.

At the same time, would you pray with me that God would show me, my parents, and doctors if there are any other steps to take in regards to my digestive system and the increasing struggles I have faced of late? It could simply be “the darkness before the dawn,” but we want to be faithful to pursue anything that would be important to address right now. When doctors don’t have answers, and the pieces grow too complicated for me to sort through, I am brought face-to-face with the reality of just how dependent and helpless I truly am. This is not something that I can plan my way out of or figure out how to avoid the discomfort. I am desperately in need of my great God to give light for the next step and strength to take those steps, one at a time. He continues to show His incredible faithfulness in enabling me to eat and endure. And, no matter how hard it has gotten, He has not allowed the waves to overwhelm me.

This past Sunday, my pastor warned us of the danger of allowing our opponents to grow bigger in our eyes than our God. I realized how I have allowed this to happen in my own life when it comes to my health and the daily onslaught of symptoms and fears. These have often grown bigger to me than my God, but the truth is they do not even possess a fraction of His power and authority. He is ruling this very moment over every cell in my body and “sits enthroned over the flood” (Psalm 29:10a). He can bring order to anything in my body that is not right, and nothing is too difficult for Him (Jeremiah 32:17).

And so, I am asking Him to increase my faith, to give me His peace, and to allow me to see His hand at work in wonderful ways in the days to come. He is my healer, and I can trust Him to lead me through the maze and fog of symptoms, opinions, treatments, and fears, and to hold me up when I cannot hold myself up. Thank you for standing with me in prayer and for reminding me of what is true again and again. Already, I can join with all of you in giving thanks “for the blessing granted [me] through the prayers of many,” and my desire is that in the days ahead I would once again be able to rejoice with you in these words as I see God’s hand answering your prayers for sustaining grace, faith, joy, peace, guidance, healing, and restoration of health. He is more than able!

Thank you all so much.

“Ah, Sovereign LORD, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for You.” – Jeremiah 32:17

Note: I recently posted a quote on my other blog that greatly encouraged me last night. I hope it does you as well!

Follow-Up

Thank you all for praying. I am so grateful for your prayers. I was able to receive some therapy for the hernia, but at this point, it is difficult to tell what's really going on down there. There are just so many potential factors and confusing symptoms that I can only cast this upon the Lord while continuing to talk with the doctors and practitioners who are helping me.

A fuller update is headed your way shortly!

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. - Psalm 103:1-5

Brief Update

Hello, dear friends!

I know it's about time for a more lengthy update, but I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for your continued prayers and let you know about a few new hurdles I'm facing. In recent weeks, it has become clearer that some of my pain, discomfort, and difficulty with digestion and eating is related to the hiatal hernia I've had for at least several years. I'm not exactly sure what is going on, but since the pain and discomfort has increased in recent days I am looking into the possibility of treatment options. Tomorrow I plan to ask my PT for any thoughts he may have on the situation. Could you pray that God would give wisdom and/or heal this situation? In the past, it was mainly a small issue, but it has definitely grown more difficult to tolerate in recent days.

At the same time, I was reminded just yesterday at the incredible amount of grace I am continually given. There are people who feel so much worse than I do and yet press on with joy, serving their Lord and loving their families and friends. I don't want to lose sight of the amazing grace God pours out on me each and every day. I am a recipient of incredible mercy. Christ has taken all the punishment I deserve for the countless sins I daily commit against Him and others. Instead of consigning me to eternal separation from Him and all that is good, beautiful, and right, He has made me His own child and welcomed me into His family. This is only because of Jesus. This is why I can have help to press on each day.

Well, the title of this post included the word "brief," but those of you who know me have learned that doesn't mean too much by now. I do hope to share more with you all in the days ahead, but for now I will wrap up. Thank you for praying for me. God continues to answer your prayers. The fight for faith can be hard at times, but it is in the most difficult moments that your prayers give me help to take another step forward. Thank you!

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. - Isaiah 26:3-4

A Health Update

It has been over a month since I've updated you all on my health progress, and I have some wonderful things to report. I know that these improvements are the direct result of your prayers. All glory belongs to the Lord for His faithfulness and for the healing that He is working in me, day by day.

Praise God that I…

…have been able to gain at least 16 pounds from my lowest point and half of this has taken place in the past month.

…have seen an incredible change in my overall strength and ability to function throughout the day.

…have experienced improvement with many of my digestive/GI symptoms.

…have been able to take in a growing number of calories each day and continue to eat dairy (although I've switched to goat rather than cow). =)

…haven't caught the flu or any other bugs that have been going around.

…my recent labwork continues to show a strengthening immune system and nothing else of concern.

…have been carried to this point by a God whose promises do not fail!

You can pray that I…

…would be able to tolerate treatment for the coinfections that come with the Lyme disease. I am beginning that treatment this Monday and could expect increased symptoms by the end of the week and following.

…would be given wisdom and help as I walk through the daily battle of figuring out what to eat and the best way to approach timing, portion sizes, etc. I love food, but it does grow burdensome when I try to encompass what is healthy, high in calories, digestible, and appetizing all at once.

…would find my system able to accept more foods and for help with particular symptoms such as slow emptying of the stomach, jittery/shaking that I've come to experience daily over the past month, and neurological symptoms that can be especially difficult to tolerate.

...would be able to get on a better schedule with meals and sleep and settle into a routine that works well, promotes healing, and is honoring to the Lord.

…would know peace and the renewal of my mind in God's truth. That I would not fear but would rest in my Father's care at all times and that my eyes would be fixed on Christ and not the waves.

…would be given increased faith as well as wisdom to know how God would have me spend the moments of each day.

I know each of you would be encouraged if you saw me now. You can visibly see the difference. My clothes are starting to fit a little better, and I can go up and down stairs again without help. God is bringing me out of the pit and setting my feet on solid ground, yet I can easily lose sight of how much He has done when faced with the daily ups and downs of symptoms and the battles that still must be fought. Certain symptoms can definitely be more difficult to endure, but He has never allowed me more than I can bear.

As I sit here writing, I cannot help but think of my dear friend, Amy, who is now free from all pain and rejoicing in her Savior's presence. She wrote a poem that I have taped to my wall where I can see it every day. I want to share it with you all, for it beautifully expresses the preciousness of the hope we've been given in way I could not:

There's substance that's casting these shadows
There's reason behind all this pain
All gold is made pure by refining
And plants cannot grow without rain

He's promised to hold you and keep you
He's told you that he's always there
His Word says He'll never forsake you
Or test you past what you can bear

So trust in Him all through this darkness
Hold fast to the truth of His Word
Be certain of His gracious promise
And rest in Christ Jesus our Lord

For one day all pain shall be broken
Renewed shall be joy that was lost
All death, pain and fear have been conquered
Because of His death on the cross

Earlier this week, another dear family in my church lost their husband and father. How my heart longs for the day when I will be able to see Amy and John once again, but in the meantime, their lives have challenged me to ask myself, do I truly know God? I want to know Him the way Amy and John did. They lived lives surrendered to their King because they were amazed at His mercy. Amazed that He would send His Son to die for them. They both could say with the apostle Paul, "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). Death was gain to them because it meant they would be with Christ, and that is what their hearts longed for most. The wonderful thing is that if you don't know Christ as they did, both Amy and John would say "you can!" He delights to show His mercy and grace to all who call upon Him.

"Seek the LORD while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. - Isaiah 55:6-7

"I love the LORD, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because He inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call on Him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the LORD: 'O LORD, I pray, deliver my soul!'

Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful. The LORD preserves the simple; when I was brought low, He saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you." -Psalm 116:1-7

Thank you all for your prayers and offers to visit. I miss so many of you and look forward to the day when I can sit down with you and rejoice together in all He has done.

She Built Her Life on the Rock

This evening, I finally came to the last unopened birthday card. This card was a precious gift to me tonight, for the young woman who wrote it is no longer on this earth. Last night, Amy Calderone went Home to be with the Savior she loved so dearly and whose Face she could not wait to see. Just over a month ago, she suffered a sudden brain aneurysm that left her unresponsive and on life support. All who knew and loved Amy held out hope that she would return to us but knew there was no guarantee.

Amy was a source of great encouragement and support to me over the past year. Her life was marked by a deep compassion and love for other people that flowed out of her love for God. Though ten years younger than me, she took time to care for me in numerous ways and became a dear friend. She continually filled my inbox with scriptures and sweet truths and was always ready to take a walk with me around our small neighborhood. I'll never forget those walks together or the great bear hugs she gave. I miss her so already. Amy loved to think about Heaven. It was a Real Place for her. Though she was blessed with an incredible family and friends who loved her dearly, her greatest joy was knowing that one day she would arrive Home where she would see her Savior face-to-face, the One who had given His life for her. Now that desire has been fulfilled. Amy is free. Home. Safe. Rejoicing forever.

This past Sunday, my pastor, Joshua Harris, preached a message from Luke 6:46-49 which relates the story of two men – one who built his house on the sand and one who built his house on the rock. A great storm came and washed away the house built on sand, but the house built on the rock stood secure. "We are all building our lives on something," Josh said and asked us to consider if the foundation on which we are building is one that will withstand any storm. It is so easy to build our lives on things that can be swept away in a moment – our family, relationships, money, a job, the esteem of others. I am sure you could add your own items to the list. It's a sobering thought. Most of us assume that we're "rock people." We go to church, know every Bible story, and may even have Christian parents and friends, so we must be safe, right? But, it's possible to be immersed in Christian culture yet not actually have ever come to Christ for ourselves. It is possible to know everything about God but not truly know God. It's possible to think you're built on the Rock and really be built on the sand.

Then, when the storm comes to the house built on the sand it is completely ruined. But if you are built upon the Rock, you have one thing that can never be taken away from you - the love of Christ. The storms may tear away everything else you hold dear, but you will never be separated from His love. The only way to build your life upon the Rock is to come to Jesus yourself. Amy knew this. She built her life upon the Rock. And she was not disappointed. Now, her incredible family is enduring the dark storm of loss, yet even in the midst of the winds and waves they are standing firm upon the Rock of Christ.

Amy closed her card to me with the words from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." At only 19 years old, she knew how fleeting life is – how quickly it is gone. She was looking forward to the "eternal weight of glory" that lay ahead of her. Oh, that we would do the same. Thank you, Amy. You have left us a treasure. I know if you could speak to us right now, you'd ask us "what are you building your life on?" May we all build our lives on the only Rock that can hold us up, just as you did.