Hopkins Tomorrow

Hello friends - this is going to be brief for which I apologize (it's been hard to write lately but when I can, I will). Tomorrow, my parents and I have a 12:30 follow-up appointment with my doctor at Hopkins. We continue to need the Lord's help and wisdom and trust He will lead, provide, and uphold as He has faithfully done each step of the way. I am so very grateful for your prayers. My symptoms continue to be intense and difficult to cope with, but in each moment, He never forsakes me. How grateful I am that this does not change according to how I feel but remains true because of who He IS.

This quote, sent by a dear friend, has blessed me so much in recent days:

Times of adversity are seasonable times to trust in God. When we have no bread to eat, or water to drink, but only afflictions and astonishments, this is a time not for over-grieving, murmuring, sinking, desponding, despairing, but for trusting. In a tempest a believer must cast his anchor upward. Trust is a believer's choicest antidote against fainting, swooning, and sinking...Amidst all storms, winds, and tempests, yea, in a hurricane of sorrow and misery, faith knows where and how to cast anchor. “Let not your hearts be troubled” (John 14:1)...God has extraordinary means to bear us up when ordinary ones fail. He can turn poisons into antidotes, hindrances into furtherances, and destructions into deliverances. The ravens give Elijah food. A whale becomes Jonah's ship, and pilot too. An Almighty God can work without means. God often brings His people into such a condition that they do not know what to do. He does this that they might know what He can do. God is with His people at all times, but He is most sweetly with them in the worst of times. - Thomas Lye

Thanking Him afresh for each of you tonight and asking the Lord to once more "turn the darkness before me into light."

Charissa


"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him. Truly He is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Fortress, I will never be shaken." - Psalm 62:1-2

"As Bright as the Day"

Dear friends-

Is everything dark right now? If so, I want to remind you, as I am even now reminding myself, that even the blackest darkness, the deepest night, the most seemingly hopeless pit is not dark to Him. Today has been one of those days when light was hard to find, yet it is into this darkness that the words of David, the psalmist, offer us incredible hope.

"Even the darkness is not dark to You;

the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with You." 

~ Psalm 139:12

I may not see light. I may not see the way ahead. I don't even know what the next moment will bring! But there is One Who does. And for Him "the night is bright as the day." What a hope this brings. The darkness may be all-encompassing, pressing in on every side, suffocating. But He is greater still. The darkness will never overcome Him. It will never overwhelm Him. He will always see, and because He sees us in the midst of our darkness, we can be assured that He will carry us safely through it and back into the light. 

How can I have this assurance? Because His Son, Jesus, tasted the deepest, blackest darkness ever known when He suffered in my place and took my punishment. Once I was separated from God, but now I belong to Him forever, and no darkness can  keep me from Him or from the glories that await me in Heaven.

In the face of all my fears, in the face of the blackest darkness, or the most hopeless of circumstances, I can sing these words from one of my favorite songs: No fear can hold me down // Nor darkness steal my joy // For blood has been poured out // The enemy destroyed.

He has triumphed. The outcome is already secured. May that bring you hope today, regardless of what you see in or around you. "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).

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Medical Update

Thank you all for your prayers for my Hopkins appointment last Tuesday. I definitely felt them, and God was faithful and kind to carry me through. The appointment was brief (practically five minutes), but clear directions were given. My doctor believes I should continue on my tube feeding at present and not move to TPN - a direct answer to your prayers! He asked me to work on increasing my tube feeding flow rate and said he would consider beginning testing later this month.

Over the past week, I've increased my flow rate a few notches, and God continues to sustain me through the pain and uphill climb. I have had some incredibly difficult days/moments as well as some brighter ones. He is good at all times, but those brighter moments have truly been precious gifts, shining all the brighter against the backdrop of the darkness. And in the midst of it all, I continue to be overwhelmed by your prayers and kindnesses. Thank you.

Praise God for answered prayer:

• No TPN for now.
• Ability to continue to move forward, one moment at a time.
• A gradual increase in weight.
• Daily mercies and kindnesses - more than can be counted!

Here are a few ways to pray:

• Ability to continue to tolerate my current flow rate and increase it.
• Weight gain and alleviation of the pain/complexity of symptoms.
• Wisdom regarding where to continue PT, as my home services are ending this Wednesday.
• Restorative sleep.
• That my immune system would be strengthened (my WBC is currently at one of its lowest points).
• That God would enable me to continue to persevere, especially whenever the next step seems impossible. (I know He will. The battle is just so intense. But He has already won the victory!)
• That He would bring across my path anything that would help put together the pieces of this puzzle and bring healing. 
• Peace and rest of body, mind, and heart.
• That He would be glorified in my great weakness.

"Thank you" just does not seem adequate, but I will say it anyway. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For every prayer. They are heard. They are answered. They make a difference.

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"And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You." - Psalm 39:7

"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many." - 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

"Day Follows Night"

Dear friends,

Tomorrow, at noon, I will have an appointment with my doctor at Hopkins. We’ll be discussing where I’m at as well as next steps. I would be grateful for your prayers that God would guide both the doctor and my parents and me. Thank you!

As I continue to wait on the Lord for His deliverance, I know that I am only kept from moment to moment by His strength and grace. Tonight is particularly difficult. Thank you for praying for me. The climb up this mountain is steeper than I ever dreamed, yet He does take me “from strength to strength” (Psalm 84:7).

Here is a reading from Spurgeon that my dad shared with me the other day. It speaks directly to my struggles and fears, and I wanted to share it with you, along with a few thoughts which will follow.

Why am I mourning? - Psalm 42:9

Can you answer this, believer? Can you find any reason why you are so often mourning instead of rejoicing? Why yield to gloomy anticipations? Who told you that the night would never end in day? Who told you that the sea of circumstances would ebb out until there would be nothing left but long leagues of the mud of horrible poverty? Who told you that the winter of your discontent would proceed from frost to frost, from snow, and ice, and hail, to deeper snow, and yet more heavy tempest of despair? Do you not know that day follows night, that flood comes after ebb, that spring and summer succeed winter? Hope then! Hope always! For God does not fail you. Do you not know that your God loves you in the midst of all this? Mountains, when hidden by darkness, are just as real as in the day, and God’s love is as true to you now as it was in your bright moments. No father always chastens: your Lord hates the rod as much as you do; he only cares to use it for that reason which should make you willing to receive it, namely, that it works your lasting good. You shall yet climb Jacob’s ladder with the angels, and behold him who sits at its top — your covenant God. You shall yet, amidst the splendours of eternity, forget the trials of time, or only remember them to bless the God who led you through them, and worked out your lasting good by them. Come, sing in the midst of tribulation. Rejoice even while passing through the furnace. Make the wilderness to blossom like the rose! Cause the desert to ring with your exulting joys, for these light afflictions will soon be over, and then “for ever with the Lord,” your bliss shall never wane. – C.H. Spurgeon (Evening – July 21st)

How quickly hope can slip out of sight. Yet, there WILL be a dawn, a spring, an end to the darkness. It may lie around the next bend, or it may come with the dawn of Eternity’s splendor, but either way, it is coming and coming soon. Our conception of time, especially when suffering, is limited. It can seem like forever. But only Eternity is forever. And all my days have been written in His book (Psalm 139:16). He not only knows their number but every joy and sorrow that fills them. He keeps me through each moment of glory or agony, and He will keep me“until the morning dawns and the shadows flee away” (Song of Sol.).

Thank you for waiting with me through the long, dark night and assuring me of the coming dawn.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him. – Psalm 126:5-6