An Update

Dear friends,

Thank you for being patient with my infrequent updates! As much as I desire to post more often, I am continually learning that my limitations are greater than I think. I am humbled that you would continue to pray for me and carry me on your heart during the long silences.

I have MUCH to praise Him for! There have been some significant changes over the past few weeks.

• Last week (beginning on Wednesday) I noticed a considerable difference in my overall strength and ability to carry out normal functions and was able to move around more than I have in a long time. Even more significant, though, is the greater faith, joy, and hope that rose up in my spirit that day. Though I am weak and each day brings its own challenges, I have continued to see an underlying difference and noticed that my spirit has a greater hope in the Lord and ability to take things one moment at a time.

• Despite a few setbacks with my food and weight over the past few weeks, I have amazingly been able to put on a few more pounds again, so I’m continuing to make slow and steady progress in that area.

• God sustained me through the new trial diet and then made it clear that it didn’t seem to be the right fit for where my body is currently at. I’ve returned to working with my other nutritionist and am continuing to try new foods. I hope to consider the other program at some point in the future when I’m a bit stronger and at a better weight.

• This past Saturday I was able to attend a friend’s baby shower and a wedding back-to-back! (Since I don’t get out of the house much other than for church on Sundays, this made it a special treat, and my mom was so kind to go with me.)

Prayer Requests

• That I might continually abide in Him, for I am very aware that I can do nothing apart from Him.
  

• For rest in the Lord’s love and care.
  

• For wisdom for me, my parents, and my nutritionist as we make daily decisions on what I should eat, what supplements I take, how much to rest, etc. and grace to deal with the symptoms that come with/after eating.
  

• That I would continue to make progress in gaining weight and strength.

• For healing in God’s perfect timing.

As I was writing this post, a song I used to listen to back in high school came to mind. I wanted to share a portion of it with you:

My God has given me
More than I ever dreamed
A precious family
And friends who care for me
Why should He love me so
Oh that I’ll never know
I am unworthy of it all
Still He keeps on givin’ to me

God's been good to me
Oh, God's always been good
God's been good to me
Oh, God's always been good

This perfectly describes my situation. I am “unworthy of it all” but “still He keeps on giving to me.” I am weak. I struggle with fears and doubts on a daily basis. But I have a God who is so much bigger than my weakness. Bigger than my sin. He has always been good to me and will be good every day of my life, whether that be a day of sickness or a day of health. This life is so short. Soon I will see my Maker face-to-face. At that moment, I will wonder why I ever had a moment’s doubt.

Regardless of where you may find yourself today or what you may be facing, I pray that you, too, would know this hope and joy. He is so good to us. He has given us His only Son and secured for us a place in His family for all eternity.

This God—His way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. – Psalm 18:30

Yet I Will Rejoice...

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places. - Habakkuk 3:17-19

I'm sorry I'm not able to post a real update at the moment, but I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and take a moment to proclaim that even as my body is struggling, I can still hope, for I have been given the most precious gift ever - forgiveness in Christ. And I can rejoice in that gift which was purchased at such a great cost - the cost of the death of God's own Son. This is why I can make it through another day.

What is My Hope?

Dear friends, please forgive me for the lengthy wait on this update. I had intended to get something up much sooner than now. So much has happened since I last posted, and I am grateful for your continued prayers, especially when you had not heard anything new.

First, I just want to praise the Lord for His incredible faithfulness and mercies. This morning, a friend sent me the following quote by Paul Tripp. “What is your hope? Only this – His relentless grace, boundless love, patient forgiveness and unending faithfulness.” He has truly carried me through each valley and mercifully spared me from much. As my dad said in the previous post, the team of doctors at Hopkins agreed that I was not a good candidate for nutritional feeding through either intravenous or a tube and instead, encouraged me to increase my caloric intake as much as possible and continue to eat. I had expected to undergo one of these procedures and am grateful that God has once again closed that door.

Since I’ve returned home from my brief hospital stay, I have been able to increase my calories and even put on weight. Although it’s not easy to navigate through how to eat each day, it is a gift that I can still eat.

I continue to be overwhelmed by the outpouring of care, prayer, and support I receive from each of you. It has such a significant effect on my daily life, and I cannot thank you enough.

Praise Reports

• God met me while I was in the hospital and gave me the help I needed to talk with the numerous doctors and nurses who came through my room.
• God has been helping me to eat, despite the ups and downs, and I have been able to significantly increase my calorie intake. Most days, I still have the mental desire to eat (even if my stomach doesn’t agree) and that is a gift in itself.
• I have been able to put on seven pounds over the past few weeks.
• I have noticed greater overall strength in recent days in comparison to where I was at just 3-4 weeks ago.

Prayer Requests

• Daily joy and satisfaction in the Lord and that I might better rest in the care and love of my Heavenly Father.
• Grace, wisdom, and perseverance as I begin a trial diet tomorrow with a different nutritionist and that my body would be able to digest and tolerate the new foods it will include (in particular, that I might be able to handle fats).
• That both my weight and strength would continue to increase.
• Wisdom and grace to deal with the daily fluctuations of old and new symptoms.

Through all of this, I continue to come face-to-face with not only my physical weakness but my great spiritual weakness as well. I am constantly reminded that Christ is my only Hope. I have no goodness apart from Him. As I shared in the quote above, He has shown me a “relentless grace, boundless love, patient forgiveness and unending faithfulness,” and I do not deserve any of it. Christ has purchased it all. This is why I can get up tomorrow and face whatever the day holds. Not because I have the ability to handle what comes my way. I most certainly don’t. But He does. And He is my hope.

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. - Philippians 3:7-12