Prayer Request

Dear friends,

Thank you for your prayers. God continues to uphold me in countless ways. Just a quick request before I hope to move into further updates over the week ahead.

Today, I am praying about various decisions related to trying new medications and am very aware of how much I need the Lord's guidance and help to know which way to go. There are so many opinions, but He has never failed to lead me. Thank you so much for praying with me.

Also dealing with a great deal of discomfort, difficulty eating, and lack of sleep related to some newer GI issues right now. In particular, my lower esophageal sphincter (what closes your stomach off from your esophagus) is continually open, causing the acid to erode my esophagus, etc. There is not necessarily any way to "fix" this other than to manage it through medications, supplements, nutrition, meal sizes, etc., but we can always ask for healing. :)

I take hope today in God's promise to give wisdom to those who ask for it. Thank you for praying with me.

With much love,
Charissa

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." - James 1:5

Beyond My Strength

For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He WILL deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many. - 2 Corinthians 1:8b-11

Dear friends,

These words from Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians have taken on new meaning for me over the past several days. I have found myself continually faced with the reality that I cannot hold myself up. God is the only One Who can and Who can deliver me. And He has been faithful once again! I am so quick to doubt and fear, yet He remains ever true to His Word and His promises.

The past week, and especially the past several days have held some of my hardest moments yet. It has been a moment by moment fight. Yesterday, my dad took me to see the physician who has been treating my Lyme and coinfections as well as other areas. I expected to hear I was having a healing crisis and just needed to persevere, but instead, my doctor gave me the startling news that I was much improved even from the last time I saw him just a month ago! His examination revealed that my Lyme and coinfections are mostly gone as well as my Epstein-Barr and other viruses. My liver has improved, and even my adrenals are thought to be functioning a little better than before. All in all, he thinks my progress is good and encouraged me to continue with the treatment plan on which he has had me.

Well, you might think that hearing these things would be cause for great joy and gratitude, but as I lay there on the examination table, I burst into tears. This just did not fit with how my body felt in that moment or how difficult the past several days have been. As I reflected on this, I realized how quick I can be to put my hope for help in a person or particular treatment rather than in the God who created me and knows exactly what is going on inside of me, no matter how confusing it may appear to me. Doctors and medicine are gifts from God and used by Him to bring help and healing, but ultimately, my only hope is Him.

In the moments that have followed, God has been helping me to thank Him for the encouraging report that the doctor gave me and the incredible progress that has been made. At the same time, I have been wrestling with the realities of my remaining physical struggles and the onslaught of confusing symptoms and significant obstacles. Often, the battle is simply to endure another moment, but I am learning I must fight to rejoice in my “sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (Romans 5:3-5).

And so, rejoice with me in the incredible answer to prayer that my Lyme and coinfections have been dealt with, and my body is now attempting to recover from their damaging effects and begin to function again as it once did! This is an answer to your prayers, and it is not something to take for granted. It is significant.

At the same time, would you pray with me that God would show me, my parents, and doctors if there are any other steps to take in regards to my digestive system and the increasing struggles I have faced of late? It could simply be “the darkness before the dawn,” but we want to be faithful to pursue anything that would be important to address right now. When doctors don’t have answers, and the pieces grow too complicated for me to sort through, I am brought face-to-face with the reality of just how dependent and helpless I truly am. This is not something that I can plan my way out of or figure out how to avoid the discomfort. I am desperately in need of my great God to give light for the next step and strength to take those steps, one at a time. He continues to show His incredible faithfulness in enabling me to eat and endure. And, no matter how hard it has gotten, He has not allowed the waves to overwhelm me.

This past Sunday, my pastor warned us of the danger of allowing our opponents to grow bigger in our eyes than our God. I realized how I have allowed this to happen in my own life when it comes to my health and the daily onslaught of symptoms and fears. These have often grown bigger to me than my God, but the truth is they do not even possess a fraction of His power and authority. He is ruling this very moment over every cell in my body and “sits enthroned over the flood” (Psalm 29:10a). He can bring order to anything in my body that is not right, and nothing is too difficult for Him (Jeremiah 32:17).

And so, I am asking Him to increase my faith, to give me His peace, and to allow me to see His hand at work in wonderful ways in the days to come. He is my healer, and I can trust Him to lead me through the maze and fog of symptoms, opinions, treatments, and fears, and to hold me up when I cannot hold myself up. Thank you for standing with me in prayer and for reminding me of what is true again and again. Already, I can join with all of you in giving thanks “for the blessing granted [me] through the prayers of many,” and my desire is that in the days ahead I would once again be able to rejoice with you in these words as I see God’s hand answering your prayers for sustaining grace, faith, joy, peace, guidance, healing, and restoration of health. He is more than able!

Thank you all so much.

“Ah, Sovereign LORD, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for You.” – Jeremiah 32:17

Note: I recently posted a quote on my other blog that greatly encouraged me last night. I hope it does you as well!

Follow-Up

Thank you all for praying. I am so grateful for your prayers. I was able to receive some therapy for the hernia, but at this point, it is difficult to tell what's really going on down there. There are just so many potential factors and confusing symptoms that I can only cast this upon the Lord while continuing to talk with the doctors and practitioners who are helping me.

A fuller update is headed your way shortly!

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. - Psalm 103:1-5

Brief Update

Hello, dear friends!

I know it's about time for a more lengthy update, but I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for your continued prayers and let you know about a few new hurdles I'm facing. In recent weeks, it has become clearer that some of my pain, discomfort, and difficulty with digestion and eating is related to the hiatal hernia I've had for at least several years. I'm not exactly sure what is going on, but since the pain and discomfort has increased in recent days I am looking into the possibility of treatment options. Tomorrow I plan to ask my PT for any thoughts he may have on the situation. Could you pray that God would give wisdom and/or heal this situation? In the past, it was mainly a small issue, but it has definitely grown more difficult to tolerate in recent days.

At the same time, I was reminded just yesterday at the incredible amount of grace I am continually given. There are people who feel so much worse than I do and yet press on with joy, serving their Lord and loving their families and friends. I don't want to lose sight of the amazing grace God pours out on me each and every day. I am a recipient of incredible mercy. Christ has taken all the punishment I deserve for the countless sins I daily commit against Him and others. Instead of consigning me to eternal separation from Him and all that is good, beautiful, and right, He has made me His own child and welcomed me into His family. This is only because of Jesus. This is why I can have help to press on each day.

Well, the title of this post included the word "brief," but those of you who know me have learned that doesn't mean too much by now. I do hope to share more with you all in the days ahead, but for now I will wrap up. Thank you for praying for me. God continues to answer your prayers. The fight for faith can be hard at times, but it is in the most difficult moments that your prayers give me help to take another step forward. Thank you!

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock. - Isaiah 26:3-4

A Health Update

It has been over a month since I've updated you all on my health progress, and I have some wonderful things to report. I know that these improvements are the direct result of your prayers. All glory belongs to the Lord for His faithfulness and for the healing that He is working in me, day by day.

Praise God that I…

…have been able to gain at least 16 pounds from my lowest point and half of this has taken place in the past month.

…have seen an incredible change in my overall strength and ability to function throughout the day.

…have experienced improvement with many of my digestive/GI symptoms.

…have been able to take in a growing number of calories each day and continue to eat dairy (although I've switched to goat rather than cow). =)

…haven't caught the flu or any other bugs that have been going around.

…my recent labwork continues to show a strengthening immune system and nothing else of concern.

…have been carried to this point by a God whose promises do not fail!

You can pray that I…

…would be able to tolerate treatment for the coinfections that come with the Lyme disease. I am beginning that treatment this Monday and could expect increased symptoms by the end of the week and following.

…would be given wisdom and help as I walk through the daily battle of figuring out what to eat and the best way to approach timing, portion sizes, etc. I love food, but it does grow burdensome when I try to encompass what is healthy, high in calories, digestible, and appetizing all at once.

…would find my system able to accept more foods and for help with particular symptoms such as slow emptying of the stomach, jittery/shaking that I've come to experience daily over the past month, and neurological symptoms that can be especially difficult to tolerate.

...would be able to get on a better schedule with meals and sleep and settle into a routine that works well, promotes healing, and is honoring to the Lord.

…would know peace and the renewal of my mind in God's truth. That I would not fear but would rest in my Father's care at all times and that my eyes would be fixed on Christ and not the waves.

…would be given increased faith as well as wisdom to know how God would have me spend the moments of each day.

I know each of you would be encouraged if you saw me now. You can visibly see the difference. My clothes are starting to fit a little better, and I can go up and down stairs again without help. God is bringing me out of the pit and setting my feet on solid ground, yet I can easily lose sight of how much He has done when faced with the daily ups and downs of symptoms and the battles that still must be fought. Certain symptoms can definitely be more difficult to endure, but He has never allowed me more than I can bear.

As I sit here writing, I cannot help but think of my dear friend, Amy, who is now free from all pain and rejoicing in her Savior's presence. She wrote a poem that I have taped to my wall where I can see it every day. I want to share it with you all, for it beautifully expresses the preciousness of the hope we've been given in way I could not:

There's substance that's casting these shadows
There's reason behind all this pain
All gold is made pure by refining
And plants cannot grow without rain

He's promised to hold you and keep you
He's told you that he's always there
His Word says He'll never forsake you
Or test you past what you can bear

So trust in Him all through this darkness
Hold fast to the truth of His Word
Be certain of His gracious promise
And rest in Christ Jesus our Lord

For one day all pain shall be broken
Renewed shall be joy that was lost
All death, pain and fear have been conquered
Because of His death on the cross

Earlier this week, another dear family in my church lost their husband and father. How my heart longs for the day when I will be able to see Amy and John once again, but in the meantime, their lives have challenged me to ask myself, do I truly know God? I want to know Him the way Amy and John did. They lived lives surrendered to their King because they were amazed at His mercy. Amazed that He would send His Son to die for them. They both could say with the apostle Paul, "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). Death was gain to them because it meant they would be with Christ, and that is what their hearts longed for most. The wonderful thing is that if you don't know Christ as they did, both Amy and John would say "you can!" He delights to show His mercy and grace to all who call upon Him.

"Seek the LORD while He may be found; call upon Him while He is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, that He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon. - Isaiah 55:6-7

"I love the LORD, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because He inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call on Him as long as I live. The snares of death encompassed me; the pangs of Sheol laid hold on me; I suffered distress and anguish. Then I called on the name of the LORD: 'O LORD, I pray, deliver my soul!'

Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; our God is merciful. The LORD preserves the simple; when I was brought low, He saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you." -Psalm 116:1-7

Thank you all for your prayers and offers to visit. I miss so many of you and look forward to the day when I can sit down with you and rejoice together in all He has done.

She Built Her Life on the Rock

This evening, I finally came to the last unopened birthday card. This card was a precious gift to me tonight, for the young woman who wrote it is no longer on this earth. Last night, Amy Calderone went Home to be with the Savior she loved so dearly and whose Face she could not wait to see. Just over a month ago, she suffered a sudden brain aneurysm that left her unresponsive and on life support. All who knew and loved Amy held out hope that she would return to us but knew there was no guarantee.

Amy was a source of great encouragement and support to me over the past year. Her life was marked by a deep compassion and love for other people that flowed out of her love for God. Though ten years younger than me, she took time to care for me in numerous ways and became a dear friend. She continually filled my inbox with scriptures and sweet truths and was always ready to take a walk with me around our small neighborhood. I'll never forget those walks together or the great bear hugs she gave. I miss her so already. Amy loved to think about Heaven. It was a Real Place for her. Though she was blessed with an incredible family and friends who loved her dearly, her greatest joy was knowing that one day she would arrive Home where she would see her Savior face-to-face, the One who had given His life for her. Now that desire has been fulfilled. Amy is free. Home. Safe. Rejoicing forever.

This past Sunday, my pastor, Joshua Harris, preached a message from Luke 6:46-49 which relates the story of two men – one who built his house on the sand and one who built his house on the rock. A great storm came and washed away the house built on sand, but the house built on the rock stood secure. "We are all building our lives on something," Josh said and asked us to consider if the foundation on which we are building is one that will withstand any storm. It is so easy to build our lives on things that can be swept away in a moment – our family, relationships, money, a job, the esteem of others. I am sure you could add your own items to the list. It's a sobering thought. Most of us assume that we're "rock people." We go to church, know every Bible story, and may even have Christian parents and friends, so we must be safe, right? But, it's possible to be immersed in Christian culture yet not actually have ever come to Christ for ourselves. It is possible to know everything about God but not truly know God. It's possible to think you're built on the Rock and really be built on the sand.

Then, when the storm comes to the house built on the sand it is completely ruined. But if you are built upon the Rock, you have one thing that can never be taken away from you - the love of Christ. The storms may tear away everything else you hold dear, but you will never be separated from His love. The only way to build your life upon the Rock is to come to Jesus yourself. Amy knew this. She built her life upon the Rock. And she was not disappointed. Now, her incredible family is enduring the dark storm of loss, yet even in the midst of the winds and waves they are standing firm upon the Rock of Christ.

Amy closed her card to me with the words from 2 Corinthians 4:16-18: "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." At only 19 years old, she knew how fleeting life is – how quickly it is gone. She was looking forward to the "eternal weight of glory" that lay ahead of her. Oh, that we would do the same. Thank you, Amy. You have left us a treasure. I know if you could speak to us right now, you'd ask us "what are you building your life on?" May we all build our lives on the only Rock that can hold us up, just as you did.

A Christmas Reflection

I had planned to post this at Christmas but didn't feel well enough to complete it in time. I am posting today, which is actually Epiphany or Twelfth Night. It seems somewhat fitting, as the word "epiphany" means "appearance" or "manifestation," and Epiphany is a celebration of the realization of the actual identity of that little Baby born so long ago.

Need and weakness. Those are words I have come to identify with in ways I had not anticipated over the past year. No one aspires to be weak. No one likes to be in need. Facing our own inadequacy is not pleasant. But if we've lived more than a day, we have likely discovered just how prone we are to weakness and need.

This morning I awoke with a line from the well-loved carol, "O Holy Night," running through my head: "He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger…." These words of reassurance offered me comfort and also much to consider. Who is this "He" who truly knows our weakness and our need? This tiny Baby lying in a feeding trough for cattle? Could God, Himself, be made so helpless, dependent, vulnerable? He has never needed anything. How can Strength, Itself, know weakness or clothe itself with the restrictions of human flesh? And why? The One who flung the very stars into existence now in need of food, clothing, a mother's arms? Impossible, or so it seems. Songwriter, Chris Rice, beautifully captures this union of weakness and strength in his song, "Welcome to Our World":

Fragile finger sent to heal us
Tender brow prepared for thorn
Tiny heart whose blood will save us
Unto us is born
Unto us is born

This little baby would grow up to heal the sick, help the weak, care for the outcast. And He would do so walking our broken world, living homeless, tasting sickness, tears, weariness, hunger, and finally death itself. He would become our Savior on every level – in the fullest sense of the word. The One Who needed nothing became needy in order to meet our need.

One day, those gentle hands would be pierced through with nails. That kind brow would be torn with cruel thorns. That perfect heart would pour out its blood. This was His purpose. This was why He came. Yet His suffering reached greater depths than the horrors of crucifixion. Scripture tells us that He was made to be sin for us. He was separated from His Father, suffering all His holy anger against sin. Why? For us. So that we might be rescued from the worst suffering imaginable –separation from our Maker – separation from Joy, and Light, and Love Itself. His arms are stretched open to us now because they were once stretched open upon a cross. How comforting is the assurance that if we belong to Him, no sorrow can ultimately crush us, for He was crushed in our place.

This past year has taught me about weakness in ways I would not have chosen. Being weak without someone to lean on is scary. Being weak and leaning on someone who cannot identify with weakness is also scary. But we can lean on One Who is no stranger to our weakness.“For we have not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Hebrews 4:15). Whatever you are facing in this New Year, He stands ready to embrace you. He poured out His very blood for you. The book of Hebrews tells us that “surely it is not angels He helps, but Abraham’s descendants.”

This great God entered our world as a little Baby and became a Man, being made like us in every way so that He could bear away the guilt of our sins, be our Substitute, and stand before God, His Father, pleading our case and forever securing a Home for us with Himself. Someone once put it this way, "Into such a world of need, into such a world as ours, God whispered His profound love. And He whispers it yet today." Today, wherever you find yourself, may you hear that whisper of love from One who not only knows the path you take but has walked it before you and now waits to walk it beside you.

------------------------------------------------

Why Did He Choose the Cross?

In order to answer this question, we must begin with Who God is and who we are. He is Holy, perfect, pure. As our Creator, He can tell us how we ought to live and does so out of love, knowing our greatest happiness and fulfillment is found in right relationship to Him. But rather than accepting it, each of us has chosen to reject His loving rule and instead be our own rulers. The Bible calls this sin. And it is responsible for all the brokenness, pain, and suffering we see in our lives and the world around us.

We are sinners who have rejected His rule. We were created to dwell with God, but sin has separated us from Him. God must judge our sin or He would not be just and holy. His judgment upon our sin is death and an eternity in Hell. In doing so, He gives us that for which we have asked – separation from Him and the right to rule our own lives. If this was where the story ended, our hopeless existence would be but misery.

He could have left us without hope, cut off with no way to return to Him, and awaiting certain judgment. Instead, He sent Jesus, His Son, to be our Substitute. Jesus perfectly submitted to His Father's rule in every area that we had rebelled and willingly went to that cross where He suffered the agony of His Father's anger against sin. He took God's justice upon Himself because none of us could have borne it. Only a perfect Man could be our substitute. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." Jesus took our sin and gave us His perfection. Dying in our place, Jesus bore the penalty for sin and completely satisfied the required payment for sin that our holy and just God requires. No one else could have done this. We could never do enough good deeds to earn it. We could never be good enough. A sinless sacrifice was required. God Himself provided that sacrifice in giving up His only Son to die in our place. "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that He might bring us to God" (I Peter 3:18).

But He didn't stay on that cross. God raised Him to life again, demonstrating His acceptance of His Son's perfect sacrifice in our stead. Now all who turn from their sins and rely on the death of Christ in their place are given forgiveness, freedom, new life, and the promise of spending an eternity with God amidst the joys and splendors of Heaven, free of all sorrow, brokenness, and pain.

This is why He chose the cross. To rescue us from an eternity of separation from the God who made us and loves us. He knew it was the only way to bring us Home. Back to the One for Whom we were made. The One from Whom all joy and satisfaction and delight flow. Hebrews 12:2 says that He "endured the cross" "for the joy that was set before Him." He chose it even though it meant suffering of a kind no man could ever measure. He did it for you. And for me.

(If you'd like to read more about what He has done, visit Two Ways to Live.)