"It Must Be Good For Me..."

“God that cannot lie promised” (Titus 1:2).

Faith is not working up by will power a sort of certainty that something is coming to pass, but it is seeing as an actual fact that God has said that this thing shall come to pass, and that it is true, and then rejoicing to know that it is true, and just resting because God has said it.

Faith turns the promise into a prophecy. While it is merely a promise it is contingent upon our cooperation. But when faith claims it, it becomes a prophecy, and we go forth feeling that it is something that must be done because God cannot lie.
–Days of Heaven upon Earth

I hear men praying everywhere for more faith, but when I listen to them carefully, and get at the real heart of their prayer, very often it is not more faith at all that they are wanting, but a change from faith to sight.

Faith says not, “I see that it is good for me, so God must have sent it,” but, “God sent it, and so it must be good for me.”

Faith, walking in the dark with God, only prays Him to clasp its hand more closely.
–Phillips Brooks

“The Shepherd does not ask of thee
Faith in thy faith, but only faith in Him;
And this He meant in saying, ‘Come to me.’
In light or darkness seek to do His will,
And leave the. work of faith to Jesus still.”

(Streams in the Desert May 1- Mrs. Charles Cowman)
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Dear friends,

Thank you for your prayers for me today. He answered them! I had the "privilege" of being one of the first patients to go through procedure in the new endoscopy center at Johns Hopkins. Today was their first day in operation, so the place was quite abuzz. Computer glitches, missing syringes, and false emergency alarms were commonplace, but I think I made it through without any major disasters. :)

My symptoms were quite intense leading up to my procedure, and the battle grew quite difficult as I waited, received my IV, and prepared to go under, yet God was present with His mercy which was evident in a number of ways. My dad was allowed to come back with me until I was taken to the procedure room, and the staff and nurses were very kind. I awoke to discover the doctor had not only given me a new J-tube as expected (what I get all my formula through) but also a new G-tube (into the stomach) which was a surprise. The new one is not as comfortable, but it may end up being more durable. All that to say, I do have a greater level of discomfort/soreness in my stomach as well as the expected sore throat and congestion from the scope and intubation.

I left the hospital shortly after 4pm and emerged into the sunshine. God was so very merciful to me! Honestly, I was fairly anxious about going under due to the intensity and type of symptoms I was experiencing at the time, but the Lord kept me and truly proved Himself faithful. I had no strength (and still do not) but that simply meant I had to trust Christ to supply all that I could not supply. Simple, right? No, it wasn't that simple to me, but it does sound simple on the page. It is putting it into practice that is the tough part. :) Before the procedure began, I wanted to make sure the doctor understood my concerns about the nature and intensity of my present symptoms and whether it was okay to undergo anethesia in my condition. And when I wasn't able to find the assurance that the doctor had heard and understood, my dad wisely reminded me to tell it to the Lord. I had to cast myself upon Him and in doing so, God proved Himself faithful once again.

I am so grateful for my parents' support throughout the process and for each one of your prayers. You have no idea how MUCH God used them to carry me through. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

I do not know what the days ahead hold. Returning to my tube feedings while continuing to endure both the onset of new symptoms and the intensification of previous symptoms is more than daunting. Even so, I am freshly challenged by the devotional posted above which I read on the way to the hospital this morning. I may not know exactly how this turn of events is good for me, but faith can enable to me to say "God sent it, and so it must be good for me." When I make other objects my hope (and this is much of the time!) I find myself either facing disappointment or despair. He alone must be the Object of my faith. It is only then that I will not be disappointed.

Thank you again for your prayers and words of truth and encouragement. These days would be all the much harder without you all walking alongside of me. May you be reminded that your prayers are having a far greater impact than you might imagine right now.

A few ways to pray for the days ahead:

• Grace to adjust to tube feedings and wisdom to know how much & what foods to eat as well as perseverance with drinking and help to formulate a good routine.
• For His glory to be displayed in my utter inability and weakness. That I would truly cast myself fully on Him and find Him to be more than enough.
• Wisdom as I consider looking into a potential disease which many of my symptoms are matching. And continued direction regarding whether to continue with my current medical path.
• Joy in the Lord and hope in Him no matter how my body feels.
• Freedom from anxiety and fear (especially when my symptoms intensify) and grace to look at Him and trust Him as a little child trusts a parent to care for her needs. That He would satisfy my soul and give me His peace.
• Sleep
• Healing in His perfect, good, and wise timing.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. - Hebrews 12:5-11